Why I game (part 2)

I need to do more research on the topic but I was reading in Sebastian Junger's stellar first person account of the Afghanistan confict. One of the topics that came up was dopamine release during combat. Apparently, it's the kind of neuro chemical which is released when one solves a puzzle or accomplishes something. This deinitely provides insight into why I enjoy COD so much: my dopamine release for accomplishing things on COD is greater than for any other thing. Am I naturally attuned for neural reward by doing well (or just participating) in gamebattles (competative arena for first person shooters)/COD public games? Should I make more of an effort to train my brain differently? These are the questions which have bothered me ever since I began my love affair with COD4 back in 2007. All told, I've spent somewhere around 100 days playing some call of duty iteration in the past 4 years. I often ask myself what I coud've done with that time if I'd just spent a tenth of it doing something different and more "productive". I put this in quotes because the heart of the matter is what my life should be. Ought vs. Ought not. This is sort of a recurring theme throughout my life, not just in matters pertaining to entertainment choices. Sacrificing what's good for what's best. But what is best? Who is to specify that for me? Am I not the one who determines that? There are icons in history as well as folks in our everyday experience as sign posts, but does that move me closer to resolution? The short answer is "no."

Alright, time to step back and breathe for a minute. I really do get worked up about this but if I have learned one thing about big issues in life is that they never resolve in the short term. All I can do is to make steps today. That is where you come in, dear reader. I would greatly appreciate input on this: what are some prospective steps I can take to resole this. One that immediately comes to mind is to re-enroll in the university counseling service. It's free and has proven a valuable resource in the past. Plus it only means an hour of my time per week which is chump change considering how open my week is. I guess I always have the voice of my parents in my head "make something of yourself" "do right by us". Now they didn't say these things but I still feel the burden. That's all for now. As always, thank you for taking the time to read this.